Rae’s Rules to Remember #50: Sexual Assault isn’t a Fucking Joke

I had been planning on writing this piece for a while and I saw a video today that sort of sent me over the edge.

It amazes me how lightly some people take sexual assault. The fact that some people literally dismiss it as a joke is not only disgusting, but frightening. People say that rape culture doesn’t exist and that it’s just a feminist conspiracy, but seriously look around you. I watched a Lifetime movie last night where a man perpetuated rape culture against his own daughter. Instead of being concerned when his teenage daughter told him that her (much older) doctor was stalking her, he said that she’s beautiful and “guys will be guys.” He was more concerned with “ruining” the doctor’s career instead of the possibility that this man would kidnap his daughter (which he did). I mean, what about Brock Turner (Yeah I’m still talking about this). The Stanford Rapist. Apparently three months is a fair amount of time for being caught in the act of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster.

What about David Becker? The high school student who “will avoided jail time, a criminal record, and the sex offender registry if he meets the terms of his two-year probation...” even though, “sufficient evidence exists to find Becker guilty of rape and two counts of indecent assault and battery.”

Just a conspiracy huh?

Do people truly not realize the trauma and life changing (in the worst way) experience of being sexually assaulted? Or do they just not care. And if you don’t care, would you change your mind if it happened to a friend or family member? If it happened to you?

Are statistics and facts not enough? Is 1 in 5 women not enough to convince you that there is a problem? 1 in 75 men might be a big difference but the fact is, it happens. Every 2 minutes, an American is sexually assaulted. Every 8  minutes evidence is found of child sexual abuse. 3 out of 4 victims are assaulted by someone they know. In 11% of rapes and sexual assaults, the attacker uses a weapon. I really don’t understand how people are denying this.

There are nine women that I am close to (or was at some point) who have been sexually assaulted. That I know of. And I say that because I know that it happens so much more often than people are willing to believe (or sometimes admit) and that a lot of times it goes unreported.

A lot of people have the tendency to ask, “Well, why wouldn’t someone report it?” To answer that, I refer you back to the Brock Turner and David Becker cases. Months and months, sometimes years, of trial and having to relive one of the worst moments of your life just to be slut-shamed, blamed, taunted, and accused of being a liar, all for your assaulter to walk free or serve a sentence that is nothing close to what they deserve. I read somewhere that even if the attacker is sent away for years, by the time they get out, their victim will most likely still be in therapy.

But it’s just a conspiracy right? Something to make jokes of?

Because it’s totally fine to immediately assume that anyone who claims to be assaulted must have provoked their attacker somehow? That they were “asking for it” or if they had any amount of skin showing then they should’ve expected it to happen. Or the bullshit belief that men “just can’t help themselves” because “boys will be boys” so women are just supposed to accept that they are nothing more than objects.

And what most people fail to realize is that rape can happen to anyone, yes that includes men. You can’t assume that they “always want it” or say that if a woman is the attacker then their victim is “lucky.” I mean, you can but it shows how ignorant you really are.

For clarification, a person does not have to physically say ‘no’ for it to be rape. If someone has not expressed consent, it’s rape. If someone is unconscious, it’s rape. If they are overly intoxicated, it’s rape. If they are under the legal age to consent, it’s rape. If they push you away, it’s rape. If they say they don’t want to, it’s rape. If they say no, it’s rape.

If someone is hesitant, you don’t get to make up their mind for them. If you’ve gotten as far as second base, you are not entitled to go all the way. If someone was willing to have sex with you before, it doesn’t mean that they always will be. Just because you are in a relationship with someone (this includes marriage) does not mean that they are obligated to have sex with you whenever you want it. Consent needs to be established every time.

The bottom line is; rape is a disgusting crime. It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. It’s not something to be taken with a grain of salt, or brushed off like it’s not a big deal. It is. It’s a huge fucking deal. It can ruin someone and traumatized them for the rest of their life.

So if you don’t think that this a serious issue then you are a part of the problem and why rape culture exists.

Sources:

www.rainn.org

www.safehorizon.org