Rae’s Rules to Remember #74: There is No Grey Area

Apparently there is some confusion about this so I’m going to clear it up.

There is no such thing as “nonconsensual sex” if someone does not give consent then it is rape. Consent must be constant. There is rape and there is sex . There is no in between. There should never be any confusion, and there is no grey area.

A lot of people seem to think that rape culture is a feminist conspiracy, but seriously….look at the facts. How many times do I have to bring up Brock Turner? This kid didn’t even apologize for the crime that he was witnessed committing. Now he’s supposed to be giving speeches about alcohol consumption as if that’s the cause of the problem. Alcohol isn’t the problem, Brock Turner is the fucking problem. If you can get caught in the act of raping an unconscious person behind a dumpster and only serve three months in jail, then how the hell do you explain that?

The issue here is rape culture.

Rape culture is an issue because two girls decided to dress up as “rape victims” for Halloween as if a traumatizing experience like this is something to laugh about and make fun of or as if only certain types of people get raped, when in reality it could happen to anyone.

The reason that so many victims (including men) choose not to come forward is because they’re afraid. A crime was committed against them but they have to be afraid of being shamed, of being called a liar, of being told that it was their fault, and that they must have done something that caused it to happen. Being blamed for someone else’s actions is a much more likely outcome for the victim than gaining support from the justice system, and in some cases, even from friends and family. Rape culture is strong enough in our society that sometimes even the victim starts to question themselves or make excuses for their attackers.

Rape doesn’t only happen to women. Men and people are nonbinary are victims too. Not as often, but it does still happen. Male victims need to be given just as many resources as women. The assumption that men “always want sex” needs to stop. Even if that were the case, wanting sex is still different from being sexually assaulted.

When it comes to victims: What they were wearing doesn’t matter. How much alcohol they consumed doesn’t matter. Their past sexual history doesn’t matter. If they are in a relationship with or married to their attacker, still does not mean that weren’t raped. If they previously agreed to have sex with their attacker it does not excuse their attacker from raping them in the future. No, being a sex worker does not make it okay for someone to be taken advantage of.

If you can read all of this and still think that rape culture and victim blaming isn’t an issue, then you’re a part of the problem.


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About Bookmark Chronicles

Hi! I'm Rae. 23. Avid Reader, Book Blogger. Intersectional Feminist. Gryffindor.
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21 Responses to Rae’s Rules to Remember #74: There is No Grey Area

  1. I am so glad you mentioned men in this; so many people think it’s impossible to rape a man and it just isn’t true. I’ve done quite a bit of research on abuse for one of my books and the stories from male victims are heartbreaking. In many cases, men are unable to reach out to anyone… Thank you for posting this, you really have a talent for being objective and unbiased about controversial issues.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. PatchworkKat says:

    Reblogged this on The Patchwork Diaries and commented:
    EXACTLY THIS.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. PatchworkKat says:

    *applause* Thank you! This can never be said enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. darthtimon says:

    Reblogged this on Coalition of the Brave and commented:
    It’s either consensual or it’s rape.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can’t believe we still have to explain this in 2017. It’s not confusing. Not. At. All.
    Thanks for writing

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ariel Lynn says:

    *applauds* Brilliant.

    It’s like that analogy – there is no such thing as “non-breathing swimming;” there’s “swimming” & there’s “drowning.” Sad that people need such an analogy to get such a straight-forward point, though. “Non-consensual sex” = “rape.” End of freakin’ point. :-/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. femvestige says:

    I hear you, sister! I fear we will constantly be fighting this fight, but the louder our voices the harder it is for people to ignore. Rape is an act people like to hide under the carpet with the dust. It’s scary. It’s taboo. IT HAPPENS.

    Thanks for your words.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s interesting you mention marriage and rape. I don’t want to go into details, but I agree it’s possible. I haven’t been one of the parties involved, but have, unfortunately, witnessed such a thing first hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s important that you wrote about this. Difficult subject, but it needs to be brought up. Know that there are some of us out here who are willing to help and defend. I’ve taught my son the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: February Wrap Up! 2017 | bookmarkchronicles

  11. Pingback: Rape Culture – cmofhappiness

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