Full disclosure here. Only after I had typed this up did I realize how bad this one really was, some of it may be a little uncomfortable to read, so proceed with caution.
While I was a sophomore, I worked on campus Monday through Friday and worked off campus Friday nights, doubles on Saturdays and on Sundays. I met Kevin, at my off campus job.
We started off as friends and as we grew closer he made it a habit to hug me for extended periods of time. I had always found it strange but I didn’t think it was too weird.
Eventually he asked me out and I (was shocked, but) said yes.
Thinking about it now, I realized that the relationship was doomed from the start. Once we started dating, I let him know straight up: sometimes I just need space and want to be alone. He said that was fine and he understood. We’ll circle back to that later.
Things kind of started off on the wrong foot and then when downhill from there.
The first night that we went out as a couple he tried to get me to have sex with him…….. in the parking lot of an elementary school…..clearly that wasn’t going to happen and somehow I moved past it.
The first night I stayed at his place he pressured me into sex. That’s how I lost my virginity. It was one of those situations where I wanted him to shut up about it and also just wanted to get it the fuck over with.
Aside from that, things with Kevin were okay I guess. Then we started arguing about EVERYTHING. It didn’t make sense, and I didn’t really understand what was happening or why.
I remember once that a friend had mentioned something about my birthday. Something happened, and she said jokingly, “What? You don’t know your girlfriend’s birthday?”
He said, ” I don’t know….in January?” I was pissed. Not only are birthdays a huge deal to me, we were together on my fucking birthday. It dawned on me then that he had never even actually told me happy birthday. He tried to counter with, “well do you even know mine?” Indeed I did. I was so upset, I told him I just needed to not talk to him for a while. So he broke up with me. Right there, at work. But I was so angry that I just said okay and I walked away.
That shift ended up being worse because the manager that night really liked Kevin. So much so that despite the fact that I had started working hours before him, he cut Kevin first.
Kevin then realized that he fucked up. He asked that same manager if he could talk to me outside, totally fucking unprofessional. He pulls me outside with tears in his eyes and starts begging me to take him back. He said that he didn’t mean it, and he was just frustrated. I told him he can’t just break up with me every time he gets mad, especially since we were fighting because of him.
The thing about Kevin was that he was really persistent. Annoyingly so. He convinced me to go to a diner with him after work. After about an hour, I somehow ended up back in a relationship with him and it was further downhill from there.
One day, I was home alone studying for a Finance exam. Kevin sends me one of those sticker things on Facebook Messenger. I didn’t respond to it, five minutes later he texts, “did you get my message.” I didn’t answer that either so he calls me:
K: Did you get my messages?
K: You didn’t respond
R: I’m studying
K. Oh, well I’m coming over
R: No you’re not
K: Why can’t I come over?
R: I just told you I’m studying
K: Just for an hour
R: No, I really need to study
K: Not even for an hour?
R: No, I really need to study
K: You really can’t just spend an hour with me? If you cared about me at all you would have just one hour in your day for me
I wish I was kidding. Either way, I stood my ground. School comes before boys, always.
Another time, I don’t remember the argument, but I remember deciding to take two buses to get back to campus rather than let him drive me. While I was transferring buses, he called. I didn’t answer because I was still mad and he just kept calling……and calling…..and calling. I honestly can’t remember if we ever talked or if I just kept ignoring him.
Remember what I said earlier about space? Kevin became so incredibly clingy that sometimes I just dreaded being near him. He was always right on me when were together. And when we weren’t he was contacting me on multiple platforms ALL. THE. TIME.
After four months, we finally broke up. He insisted that we still try to be friends. I knew that wouldn’t last long but I agreed. One day he asked me to go see a movie with him. After the movie, he drove me home and he asked if we could get back together. That was obviously a no. Not only did I not want that at all, I was leaving soon to spend the rest of the summer in my hometown.
Somehow he mistook that for I was already seeing someone else and proceed to raise his voice saying, “I swear to God if you’re seeing anyone else I will make their life a living hell.” I wasn’t seeing anyone and I told him that. He then asked if he could kiss me one more time. I said no, and he tried to lean in for a kiss anyway. I screamed at him and went inside.
Later that night he texted me that if we weren’t going to be together, he needed to cut off all forms of contact with me. I said that was fine. I realized later that he had deleted me from Facebook, so I deleted his number, thinking he would do the same.
I spent most of my time at my sister’s that summer. We would make dinner and drinks together. One night after about 6 shots of tequila, my phone rings. I recognized the area code but not the rest of the number. As soon as I said “hello” I realized that I should not have answered.
I was Kevin. He had called to tell me he missed me. I asked him if that was all and he started screaming,”I just poured my heart out to you and that’s all you have to say?” I reminded him that he was the one who said he didn’t want to keep in touch, and that reason we broke up was ultimately because of him. Instead of accepting responsibility, he goes on to say that I’m selfish and that I moved back to my home town just to get away from him.
This in particular really set me off. I went back home that summer because my aunt had passed away. She was the glue that kept us together. I went home because it was our first summer without her and we wanted to continue her tradition of summer get togethers, because it’s what she would have wanted…….he knew that. Instead of admitting it, he made it all about him because surely, the world revolved around him.
I thought that was the end
At the end of August I moved back to campus for RA training. Every year on the last day we go to mass and then have a banquet to celebrate the beginning of the next academic year. I was getting for mass straightening my hair in the bathroom. When I was almost ready to go, I saw that I had 2 text messages from Kevin. The first was him saying who he was and introducing himself. the second was him flipping shit because I didn’t respond to the first message. He said, “The least you could do is answer me, at least I’m trying to be nice.”
I told him that I didn’t see the message until then because I was busy. He apologized.
I don’t remember what happened exactly, but as I was walking to the chapel we got into another argument. I engaged until I got to the chapel and then put my phone on silent.
When I pulled out my phone after mass I had 5 texts and 13 missed calls. Mass is only an hour long. Many of the messages were all caps demanding that I answer him. I responded in all caps that I’ve been in the chapel for the last hour, and that I wasn’t going to have my phone out in church.
He insisted that I should have told him and I let him know that not only did I not fucking owe him anything, he’s lucky that I responded to him at all.
I don’t even know how, but we spent the rest of that night arguing.
By the end he was trying to smooth things over, but I had had enough. He asked if he could text me again sometime and I told him no. Haven’t heard from him since, Thank God.