Many of you already know the ordeal that I went through with my ex.
When I wrote Women Are Not Required to Have Children I explained how I was upfront about not wanting children and that he lied to me for months and tried to manipulate me into changing my mind.
When I wrote The Break Up, I talked about how he had started to become emotionally abusive and how awful our last encounter had been because he spent all of it telling lies and trying to belittle me.
I thought that was it. That it was over. I was wrong.
The night that I returned from my Thanksgiving vacation he texted me to tell me that his mother had wished me a happy holiday season. Except he started the message with “I couldn’t care less.”
I really didn’t want to respond. My dad had just picked me up and told me that our dog would most likely not be coming home because he had cancer in his stomach and lungs and had lost mobility in his back legs.
I only responded because I had no issue with his mother and didn’t want to be disrespectful. This is what happened next:
Me: Tell her I say the same
C: I’m not going to pretend that I will
Me: Then there was no point in telling me
C: Jesus Christ I’m fucking with you. She’s trying to get me to be nice to you
At this point, I’m pissed. I’m already upset about my pup and now he has the nerve to be mad at me because I couldn’t tell that he was “joking” Also, you two clearly had to be talking about me for this to come up. Why? According to him he’s seeing someone so why am I a topic of conversation?
Me: I have a lot of shit going on right now – not that you care. You clearly have no intention of being nice so just don’t bother.
C: Well Rae a piece of me still loves you and wants nothing but the best for you so if it’s something actually serious I would care
Me: That’s hard to believe with everything you said just a few weeks ago
C: Hurt people say stupid things. I’m man enough to admit I was acting like a little petty bitch
Me: That’s not an excuse. You can’t say whatever you want to try to hurt me and belittle me one day and then tell me you still love another day. You weren’t the only one hurt but I’m not nitpicking every detail of your life and making shit up just for the hell of it.
C: I’m not going to defend what I said
I didn’t respond after this. Partly because I was too fucking pissed to think straight and partly because he had already tried to defend himself.
First and foremost, you don’t intentionally hurt the people that you love. Period. So every time he claims he loves me I’m convinced that it’s just another lie to add to pile of millions that he’s already told.
Second, he’s saying he’s “man enough” to admit he was being a bitch. No, if you were a man, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Also, that’s not a fucking apology.
Lastly, he claims that he said all of those things because he was hurt. Well, like I said he wasn’t the only one hurt. He also keeps saying that as if I hurt him. Let’s not forget that he was the one who lied to me. Regardless of any other issues that we had in our relationship, his actions are what caused use to break up. Yet, he’s still acting like a fucking victim.
I am trying to move on. There’s nothing here to hold on to. He’s not going to apologize. He’s not going to admit that he was at fault. I’m not saying I was totally innocent but over and over I have held myself accountable for my own part in all of this.
Quite frankly, I can’t justify giving him another chance even as friends. He’s done too much damage to the connection that we once had and it’s never going to be rebuilt. All I want, is to move on.