First let me say, that I can absolutely understand why some people are upset to hear this story given that Ansari is very outspoken about feminism. I am too, but no way in hell does that mean that he gets a pass or that he didn’t do what he was accused of.
If you are unaware of the situation please refer to this article and then come back to talk to me.
At first, I didn’t really think that I would feel the need to speak about this given the #MeToo movement and how vocal sexual assault survivors have been lately. However, apparently there are still some people out there who don’t get it. There have been certain comments that have come up repeatedly on social media and I am going to respond to those comments in particular. I may not be able to touch on everything that’s been said as I’m only responding to the things that I have personally seen so if you want to add more feel free to do so.
“I need more information.”/”I need to hear his side.”
Why? Why isn’t the victim’s side ever enough? Even if he did admit it, these people just end up saying “he couldn’t control himself” or “you probably led him on” or some other bullshit that puts the victim at fault. NO. The victim is never responsible for their abuser’s actions. The abuser and ONLY THE ABUSER IS AT FAULT.
“Did he really do anything wrong?”
YES. First of all, just because she performed oral sex does not mean that she would automatically agree to intercourse so don’t even bring it up. Second, repeatedly putting her hand on his penis is not acceptable. The first time that she resisted, it should have been over with. PERIOD. If someone moves away every time you come near them, that does not mean to keep following them. When someone clearly doesn’t want to do something and you keep pressuring them, it’s coercion. Coercion is a form of sexual assault. Most people seem to think that this isn’t a big deal but seriously this shit is not okay.
“But he apologized.”
SO THE FUCK WHAT! Apologizing for your wrongdoing does not make it acceptable. Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t erase what you did. Stop using this shit as an excuse.
“Everything is sexual assault now.”
No, asshole. People are finally just tired of being silenced and putting up with this shit. What we call sexual assault/harassment was the same thing years ago, people either didn’t know what to call it, or were afraid of that exact response and the fact that people still think this shit is a game.
So there. That’s my two cents.