Rae’s Rules to Remember #71: Reproductive Rights

Firstly, I’m making it known now that I am open to discussion on this topic. I know that some people are not going to agree with me. That’s fine. I don’t expect everyone to. However, if you’re just looking to start an argument then don’t bother commenting.

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I am pro-choice.

I’ve said this many times and I will say it over and over: Just because I’m pro-choice does not mean that I hate people who are pro-life. I understand their reasons, accept them, and respect them.

In my experience though. It is very rare that I’ve been able to talk to someone who is pro-life and extends that same courtesy. Obviously, that doesn’t apply to everyone who is pro-life and clearly I just haven’t come across the right person to discuss it with. I’m hoping that will change.

When it comes to birth control (pills especially), some people think that it’s only used because someone (typically a woman) has started having sex. I’ve even heard people say that women who take birth control only do so because they’re sluts. First of all, this is slut shaming. Second, it’s not true.

I starting taking birth control when I was twenty years old. Right around the time that I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease. I was not sexually active. I started taking it because I needed it. One of the symptom’s of this disease was that it prolonged my period. On top of that it’s was incredibly irregular and I had horrible cramps to the point that I had to be kept home from school because I couldn’t move. I was in an excruciating amount of pain. And I was vomiting every time my cycle started. With the pills, I can keep track of it. I know exactly when I will start and stop. The cramps aren’t as bad. I’ve stopped throwing up.

There’s also a misconception that all of the pills, patches, etc are the same. Also false. Different types of birth control affect different people….differently. Just like with any other medication. My cousin who has fibromyalgia tried various types of birth control but has stopped taking them because they all made her sick. My best friend has a heart condition and has to take a very specific kind so that it doesn’t affect her heart.

Different types of birth control also cost different amounts. I don’t have to pay for mine because my insurance plan covers it. A coworker of mine pays $9 without insurance and therefore believes that it’s accessible to everyone. It’s not. Not everyone without insurance has access to it. Not everyone (even with insurance) can afford it. There are a lot of factors that go into it. It’s not like you just walk into a drug store and can buy it right then and there. That’s just not how it works.

Condoms on the other hand are available at any drugstore for anyone to buy. Some places even give them out for free. There’s a huge difference between the way that these two things are viewed and to me it really doesn’t make a lot of sense.

As for abortion, like I said I am pro-choice. Meaning that I think women should be able to choose not to have a baby if they are not ready to. I don’t think it’s fair to be forced to have a baby just because someone else thinks you should.

Some people think that others just aren’t careful and decide, “I don’t want kids but I’m just going to have a lot of unprotected sex and then get an abortion.” I have a feeling that those thoughts don’t run through a lot of people’s minds. Not like that.

Then there’s the “well then you shouldn’t have had sex” argument. This needs to stop.

Firstly, it’s usually directed at women when we all know it takes two to make a baby.

Second, no birth control is 100% foolproof and I think that’s forgotten a lot of the time.

It is possible to be on the pill, use a condom, take the day after pill and still get pregnant. What’s the argument then if everything was done “the way it should be done?”

What about the person whose life is hectic and forgets to take their pill just that one time? Shit happens. Sometimes life gets in the way. No one is perfect.

What about rape victims?

What about people (like me) who are chronically ill and can’t carry full term anyway?

What about people who are disabled and/or physically incapable of enduring the stress that pregnancy puts on the body.

What about the people who are incredibly careful but also don’t want children?

What about the people who just know that they are not financially capable of giving a baby it’s best life.

Yes, adoption is an option but look at all of the things that I just listed. On top of that child birth is painful. It’s really not something that one should have to do if they don’t want to.

Did you know that you can’t even get your tubes tied without being harassed by doctors? Some women don’t want children, it shouldn’t have to be up for debate, it should be accepted. It’s also common after the first child that the woman decides she doesn’t want any more. Some doctors refuse to do it. They say that they should wait until the second child. Or they think that the patient will change their mind. If you’re single, they’ll ask well what your future husband wants children? They won’t let you make a choice about your own body because of someone who possibly hasn’t even come into your life yet. Or might not come into your life at all. I mean, really how fucked up is that? They completely ignore the fact that the choice is not theirs, but they clearly don’t think it should be yours either.

My cousin recently had a baby and then got her tubes tied. Her doctor said, “oh, I was sure that you would change your mind” her response was, “Why, I told you that I wouldn’t.” So the question is why? Why do men and doctors think that they should choose whether or not we have children. It’s not their decision. It’s not their body. A woman in the U.S. had to go to the Supreme Court just to get her tubes tied. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Things like that should not happen.

I am someone who does not one children. One reason is because I’m chronically ill. The other reason is because I just don’t want to. That should be a good enough reason. I should not have to explain any further than that. That should be the end of the discussion. People need to get over this idea that because I am a woman, I have to have a child. The fact is that I don’t and no has the right to tell me otherwise.

People are always so shocked when I say I don’t want children and then immediately try to persuade me.

“Oh you’ll change your mind.” No actually I won’t. I’ve been saying this since I was in the second grade. Not changing my mind now.

“What if your husband wants children?” Well first of all, it’s not guaranteed that I will get married. If I did, I wouldn’t marry someone who can’t respect my decision. More importantly, I shouldn’t have to change my mind about something concerning my body just because a man says or thinks I should. Not going to happen.

This brings me to the topic of things like Planned Parenthood. They don’t solely do abortions by the way. For anyone who doesn’t know that. They help people with their health – providing cancer screenings, STI testing and treatments, and abortions are only 3% of what they do. What exactly is the benefit of defunding something like that?

Pretty interesting isn’t it?

Our bodies shouldn’t be in the hands of a man who thinks sexual assault is all in good fun.

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