This was an older post but some of them had the same number so I’m moving some things around.
I went on a bit of a Twitter rant the other day about relationships and my own personal philosophy on some things.
I am single. I’ve been in relationships within the past few years but came to the conclusion that I am okay with being single now and maybe for a while.
My friends joke a lot by saying that I’m single because I have really high standards. I am very particular about what I want so I laugh along with them. However, are my standards really that high? If they even are at all? I’ve basically narrowed down the main things that I would look for in a significant other. But I feel like these things are all just common sense and come with the territory of being in a relationship. For most of these I will be using the example of a relationship that I was in when I was a sophomore in college….it didn’t last long for reasons that you’ll soon see.
Respect, Honesty, and Loyalty
What’s the point in being in a relationship if these things aren’t included? I’ve seen people in relationships who have been lied to and cheated on (it’s happened to me too). Once it happens what’s the point in sticking around? I’ve learned my lesson on giving people second chances, and I just don’t do it anymore. Certain things don’t happen “by accident” and you can say that it was a mistake, but you knew that when you did it. I would much rather prefer someone be brutally honest with me, then continually lie to me. I also don’t care much for bullshit apologies. You should respect me enough as a person to just tell me the truth. Don’t tell me you’re sorry for hurting me. You knew what you were doing and you still did it. In my experience giving second chances just leads to the same shit happening all over again.
I am in no hurry to get married and I don’t want children
A lot of people my age that I was friends with or went to school with are getting engaged and starting their own families. That’s wonderful but it’s not for me. Marriage, not now and children not ever. (I talk about the children part here). I’m not shaming those people who have done those things. That’s wonderful for them. And I am happy for them. It’s just not for me at the moment (if at all). I don’t think that marriage is a bad thing, in fact I have a wedding Pinterest board, but I’m also just not hell bent on thinking that it has to happen. I am also 22, so there’s still time. I’m also not changing my mind about children so…..there’s that.
Don’t add to my stress
Sophomore year I was dating a guy who was not involved on campus at all. So when I saidsorry we can’t hang out this weekend I’m preparing for an entire week of events, he would get mad, we would fight, and it added more stress to everything that I was already doing. I cannot be in a relationship with someone who adds more stress to my life. Also *take note* this is how you know your relationship is headed downhill. I was studying for my two hardest exams, and my boyfriend at the time accused me of “not caring about him” because I told him that we couldn’t hang out because I needed to keep studying. You are not more important that my academics, get the fuck over yourself and find something else to do. That was the last straw for me. If you’re not supporting my academics, why even bother?
I am a busy body
I’m always doing things. I like to be in the know and help people out when I can. In college I was involved in a lot. I ran three organizations, was an RA, did work study, worked a job off campus, was an active member of at least 7 clubs, and was always helping other people plan and run events in addition to my own. While I was still in school I learned that Icould not date someone who didn’t understand what it meant to be a student leader. The work and time that I put into my organizations resulted in my ex (the same one) claiming that I “didn’t make enough time for him” despite the fact that we were constantly texting and saw each other every weekend, when we were both in school during the week.
I like my space
I don’t do clingy. Sure I love spending time with people. In fact, quality time is my love language. However, I also like to be alone sometimes. When I’m reading, studying, or just hanging out and watching tv. This is how I knew that things started getting out of hand. My ex (still the same one) texted me once and I was studying so I didn’t respond (this also goes along with the stress part). Then he messaged me asking if I got his text. I didn’t respond to that either. Next I get a phone call, “Did you get my messages? Why didn’t you answer? What are you doing?” That was the last straw for me. It was way too much. To make it worse, when we first started dating I told him that I liked to have space. He said he understood. So after all of this happened, we had that conversation again. He said (again) that he understood. The next day he started doing it again. We broke up after that.
I am extremely independent
I have been taking care of myself since I was like 10. I practically raised my two baby brothers when I was in high school, while playing sports and working. I like to figure things out on my own, but if I need help I will seek it. Don’t assume that I need help and don’t try to undermine me by trying to step in all the time. There’s a difference between being caring and supportive and treating me like I can’t live without your help.
Support my feminism and allyship
I am a feminist, it as a huge part of my identity and how I see the world. I believe in equity and equality. I wouldn’t last or be happy with someone who doesn’t understand how important that is to me. I need pro-feminism (which would include pro-LGBTQIA rights, pro-choice, Pro #BlackLivesMatter, etc.) and someone who is also striving to be an good ally.
Apparently these are things that turn a lot of people off. If that’s the case, I’ll be okay on my own