Rae’s Rules to Remember #47: Dating Double Standards

I somewhat touched on this topic a few months ago in a post that you can read here.

There was a video on Facebook that was of some sort of seminar where they were asking this guy (I guess he does a lot of talk about relationships and such) who should pay on a date. He asked this question to the crowd and in unison the entire room (full of women) said the man. So he challenges them and says “Oh so you should have sex with him whenever he wants?” Of course, the response was a strong “no.” Unfortunately, there are some people who think that it’s a fair trade off.

Here’s the thing, I – someone who is very against the notion that you would ever “owe” someone sex – though that that was a perfect way to combat that situation. Relationships only work if there is balance in the relationship. In order for there to be balance, neither party should ever have to give something that they are unwilling to give. Whether it’s sex, time, money, or anything else.

Of course, you and your significant other should decide together how you two handle these things, but I personally don’t think it’s fair to expect only one person to put in effort. I’m not criticizing anyone, that’s just not something that I would be comfortable with. If it works for your relationship, then good for you.

I’m very independent and I’m used to doing things on my own. I’ve been taking care of myself for a very long time. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable when people try to do things for me, I’m just not used to it. I appreciate it of course, but sometimes it’s weird. If I ask a guy out or we’re dating, and I suggest that we go somewhere or do something, I’m usually expecting to pay for both of us just because I think it’s fair. Even if I’m the one asked out I will always offer to pay for myself.

Another reason that I hate gender standards in dating is because what if you’re gay, lesbian, or gender non-conforming? Those couples aren’t taking into consideration in conversations like these.

Like I said, I’m not judging anyone but sometimes these double standards are unhealthy.

Advertisements

About Bookmark Chronicles

Hi! I'm Rae. 23. Avid Reader, Book Blogger. Intersectional Feminist. Gryffindor.
This entry was posted in Rae's Rules. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Rae’s Rules to Remember #47: Dating Double Standards

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    I also practice the “person who asks, pays” rule unless I’ve been dating said person for a while, then it is a “cover me when you can and I’ll get you when I can” type of thing unless they specifically request each paying for oneself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kristianw84 says:

    I have a friend who expects whoever she is with to buy her flowers, open her car door, and always pay. So I in turn asked her by those standards she should be the one to stay home, clean the house, & be the domesticated housewife, since he is obviously the breadwinner. Her answer, was of course no. She gets angry at me because while I’m in the kitchen I will grab my husband a beer, or if she & I go out to dinner I will bring Neil home a treat from said place. I told her I don’t do those things because it’s expected of me, I do those things because I love him, & it makes him happy. She couldn’t grasp this concept. In order for a relationship to work, it has to be a two way street. If people are “old fashioned” and the husband works & the wife submits to her husband works for them, than great, but both people need to be comfortable & agree upon that! Good luck to my friend who expects her man to bend over backwards for her, while she never lifts a finger to do anything for him. I don’t understand why she can’t understand that I genuinely enjoy doing things for my husband, and he too does nice little things for me. It’s what works for us, but to each their own I guess!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow! I just don’t get that. I’m like you, if I’m out I’ll pick up something small that I know he would like just because. Its not like I need a reason to do those things, that’s just how love works. Well, good luck to her!

      Liked by 1 person

      • kristianw84 says:

        Yeah, that’s what I said. I love her, but I don’t think she’s going to find a man who will put up with that, I know I wouldn’t! Maybe when she actually falls in love with someone it will be different.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Agree with you on this one. I don’t think I have ever felt good about myself when I felt the only way I can repay someone is with my body.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ariel Lynn says:

    I’m fiercely independent too. I tend to try to pay my own portion of a bill, regardless of who invited who, but that’s just me. I’ve also gotten into “fights” (not real fights, more playful back & forth) with men who want to cover the bill. Some of them may have found $5-$20 stuffed in their pockets… or a book they’re not currently reading so that they’ll find it later. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: August Wrap Up! 2016 | bookmarkchronicles

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s