I don’t go out to bars often. It’s not my thing. But I went out with friends the other night to celebrate a birthday. It was a place that none of us had been to so we thought it would be a fun place to try out. I’ve only been to two others bars before and I had a good time at both. This time was a completely different experience.
There were four of us so we were always at least in a group of two. My friend and I went to find the bathroom and on the way there and back we were catcalled and groped by complete strangers.
Me walking past you does not give you the right the grab my ass. I’m not a fucking toy, nor do I want you touching me. The amount of times that I turned around and pushed a guy away from me for grabbing me or one of my friends inappropriately was ridiculous.
At one point we were walking through the crowd and some guy starts pulling my shirt and trying to make me come toward him. I’m obviously not paying any attention to you so leave me the fuck alone. If I pull away from you once you don’t try to grab me again. If I’m dancing with my friends and you come up behind me, don’t be surprised when I start to move away from you or if one of my friends steps in between us to get you away from me.
I shouldn’t have to repeat “she said no” to you after my friend tells you that she doesn’t want to dance with you or give you her number. If she said no the first time, the answers not going to change just because you ask again. If she said no the first time, you take that as her final answer and move on. If she said no the first time, respect it and walk away.
When we were finally leaving and heading back to out car, a guy starts following us. One of my friends turns around and asks him why he’s following us. He says he wants to talk, to which she responds that we don’t want to talk. Instead of listening, he keeps following us. So I turn around and say, “Didn’t she just say that she doesn’t want to talk to you? Goodbye.” I shouldn’t have to reiterate a perfectly clear answer. If none of us have stopped to keep the conversation going, it’s pretty damn obvious that we don’t want you following us. You shouldn’t need more than one person to tell you the same thing for you to get it.
The bottom line is don’t go out to a bar if you don’t know how to treat people respectfully. If someone doesn’t want to dance with you find someone who does. If someone doesn’t want to give you their number, accept it and leave them alone. I didn’t go out with my friends to be disrespected and groped by random men who are under the false assumption that they have some sort entitlement. Get the fuck over yourself and respect the fact that when someone says “no” they mean it.